Well, today is the first day of starting all the medications. I've been stalling a bit on weaning Brady and wanted to at least make it to 7 months with him nursing. I realized this morning though that I've been hesitating on starting the drugs more than I thought even though I know they will likely help me get my protein numbers back in order. I guess I've been dreading taking them again and was pawning it off on not wanting to wean which wasn't my only concern. I upped my Prednisone from 2.5mg to 20mg daily in hopes that the steroid alone would help and that I might be able to continue nursing but my urine has remained foamy this past week so it doesn't appear to be helping by itself.

The realization hit and I know now that I've started taking the Ace Inhibitor and the Cyclosporine, I can no longer feed Brady, simply not an option anymore which is sad. I'm trying to spend today focusing on getting my kidneys back in shape and trying to remember all the perks of not nursing. Now I'll just keep my fingers crossed that at my next check in, the numbers have dropped considerably.

Back in the (Drug) Saddle Again

I just got back from my doctor's appointment and am feeling disheartened. So even though my protein spill went from 5.6 to 4.9, it is still way too high which means it's time to take action again. Getting back on all the medications is bad enough news but the part that feels like the biggest hit is having to stop breast-feeding Brady. The plan is for me to take the next week or so to wean him and then start 100mg Cyclosporine daily, 20 mg Prednisone daily and a small dose of an Ace inhibitor daily. The Dr. is hoping if we hit it hard, I'll have immediate results like I did when I was first diagnosed. I asked about Cytoxin because the previous Dr. had mentioned some success with it but this new Dr. said it is even more hard hitting than Cyclosporine and wouldn't really feel comfortable starting that unless we did another biopsy.

My rational side knows that weaning and starting the meds is the smartest thing in the long run - I won't be doing my family any good if I don't keep my kidneys is top working order. I also know that I am so lucky to have been able to nurse at all and that Brady will have received 7 months of nursing benefits. I also know there will be some freedoms that come along with stopping now but to have the decision made for me and knowing this will be my last experience with it, I can't help but feel emotional about it all. I have no doubt I will be shedding some tears over the end of this era and then I will buck up but today I feel like I'm in mourning over this new development.

Long Time, No Write

It has been ages since I wrote in this blog and this is because of several factors. First, my kidneys have been excellent, reacting to my recent pregnancy better than I could have hoped for so there really was nothing new to report in that arena. And secondly, I have a newborn at home again (well, not so new - he is 6 months already) but let's face it, I'm sleep deprived and haven't been intensely motivated to write.

So in a nutshell, here are the updates: Brady is awesome, a terrible sleeper but adorable as all get out which makes it all worthwhile. His older brother Parker has been a rockstar on the big brother front. My kidneys were doing great up until January at which point I started noticing foamy urine again and slight swelling around my ankles. Also, my kidney doctor who I absolutely love, left her practice after my last visit with her which was a huge bummer in the wake of this new bad news. In January I had 5.6 grams of protein in my urine which was astonishingly high (the highest it's ever been since I was diagnosed was 3.6 and back then I was WAY more swollen.) I met with the new kidney Dr. who was pretty cool and he had me do another 24 hr urine to see if the protein was a bit of a fluke or not. We also preliminarily discussed options if it remains high, none of which are good. Maybe increase Prednisone again (kill me if I have to go back to moon face), get back on Cyclosporine (oh joy, potential future cancer risk not to mention muscle spasms), or start Ace-blockers which sound ok but not good for people with already low blood pressure like me because, as he said, it can turn you into the living dead.

The main thing that bummed me out during this discussion of options though was the fact that all these paths mean I would have to cease nursing Brady and it just plain made me sad to think about. I guess I'm just extra nostalgic about it this time around because I know he is our last child and we'll never go through any of these stages again so I resent the idea that I could be forced to stop breast-feeding. I know that probably seems silly in comparison to keeping my kidneys in full working order and of course that remains my top priority but it still made me sad. Regardless, I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

The 24 hr urine came back with 4.9 grams of protein - still very high but I was at least encouraged that it had come down and wasn't even higher. I guess I'm hoping this allows me to stall for a little more time. I'm meeting with the Kidney Dr. in a couple weeks to discuss what this means for treatment. I also started acupuncture again which I had stopped in the middle of my pregnancy. It was getting uncomfortable laying on my back not to mention I was getting a little cocky I think because my numbers were so good. Apparently this is my reminder that this disease can and will likely ebb and flow but I can at least be grateful that I made it through my pregnancy and delivery with flying colors and that my kidneys are still functioning at 100%. I know lots of other people out there haven't been nearly as lucky as I have been with this disease.

God Has a Sense of Humor

So here I am 2 days after my due date and still no baby. Unbelievable - I have to laugh when I think back to the Nephrologist saying she doubted I'd make it past 37 weeks and might have to be on bed rest. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic that my health has been great - no protein in my urine the last few months, no preclampsia like they thought I might get and my blood pressure has been perfect. Not to mention the baby is large and healthy. But I am ridiculously impatient at this point and thought for sure I'd be done by now. Parker was 3 days early so I figured the 2nd time around, its supposed to be even faster right? Well, the joke is on me - just God's little reminder that I am not the one controlling all this and life is unpredictable.

I started my maternity leave last Thursday assuming I'd be in labor by the weekend and it has been a blessing and a curse. It's been nice having my days free to hang out with Parker and not to have to drop him off anywhere. On the other hand, I've got so much free time and not much energy to fill it so I tend to focus way too much on the waiting game and it drives me insane to have this kind of time and not get anything done.

I had another check in with my OB on Tuesday where she said I was still 1cm dilated, 50% effaced and that my cervix was softening. She did another "aggressive" exam hoping to bring on some contractions but so far I've felt nothing. The other crazy thing is that she had my due date as the 19th so they didn't have me as officially over it yet. I told her I'd been told the 17th all along and she said that was based on the ultrasounds and she was basing it on my last cycle. She said she would let me go 5 days over and then would induce me but since she is working off the 19th date, that doesn't mean I can go in for induction until Sunday the 24th. Oy vay! I know, I know, I've made it this far so what's a few more days but truly 5 more days feels like an eternity at this stage. Well, at least there is an end in sight if all else fails.

Any Day Now . . .

So here we are just waiting any day for something to happen. It is such an odd place to be: waiting for a huge event in your life and not knowing when or how it will happen and also knowing there will likely be some pain involved. My due date is the 17th, 5 days a way so technically it could be any time. I had a check in with my OB yesterday and the baby is back to normal position with his head down. The last few times I've been in, he's been transverse with his head slightly off to the left. A huge relief since I really do not want a c-section this time around. She also said I am 1cm dilated and 50% effaced so hopefully that means something will start moving and shaking soon. Did I mention today that I am SO ready to be done??

Big Boy

Had another ultrasound today and everything looks good. "Fatty" is no longer in breech position which I am thrilled about (I really was not excited about a c-section) and they estimate him at 89%, 7lbs 3 oz. Oy vay - Parker was 7.4 when he was born so this guy could definitely get a lot bigger with 4 weeks to go (they say they can gain 1/2 lb a week in the 9th month). Now watch, he'll be like 6lbs and it'll all be a big lie.

Either way, despite all my complaints about pregnancy, I'm glad to see him looking so filled out and cute in the 3D pictures and just knowing that he and I are both healthy is a huge blessing.

Parker is starting to show more interest in his baby brother recently too which is heart warming. My sister was over the other night and he very excitedly told her he was going to "have a baby brother!" He has also been patting my stomach and asking if the baby is reday to come out yet. The other day I asked him if he was ready for the baby to be here and he said "yes, because I love him." I know just watching them together will be one of the best things to experience and I really look forward to watching their relationship grow over the years to come.

Not So Lazy Kidneys

My check in with the the Nephrologist was good and she looked at the 24 hr urine and bloodwork I did with my OB at the end of May. Turns out my protein has dropped again to 124 from 360 the last time so I was pretty excited about that. A good sign that it continues to go down even despite me stopping the Cyclosporine. Maybe carrying around "Fatty" is good for my body after all :) She said she doesn't need to see me again until a month after I deliver, barring any unforseen complications. Now the only remaining concern is that once I deliver, my hormone levels will naturally get a little haywire so we're just hoping that doesn't affect my kidneys in a negative way. So far so good!